Becoming Who You Are: A Transgender Journey

You are born in this world.

Born to a mother and father.

Born to be a son or a daughter.

The mould is set.

Your gender announced to the world.

Like permanent ink on a banner.

Its a boy! ,Its a girl!

Its a baby!

You learn to toddle.

Pretty pink delicate things,

Are given as gifts.

But you’d rather play in the mud.

You grow a little older.

Your tugging with frustration,

At the frilly dress,

you were told you had to wear.

You feel trapped.

Like your body is alien.

Your thoughts belong somewhere else.

You wonder do others feel this way.

Your long red hair,

Makes you feel nauseous.

Even though adults plait it,

And gush at how pretty it is.

The girls in the playground,

Play princesses and pop stars.

While you run off,

To play kick about with the boys.

Growing up,

You start to change.

You want to cut away,

Your budding nipples.

It horrifies you,

Seeing yourself transform.

You feel like this skin isn’t your own.

Your soul trapped in a unfamiliar place.

Your breathings heavy.

A weight is on you.

Your screaming silently.

Despair consumes you.

Then a breakthrough.

Recognition and understanding.

They now see you are not you.

At least not in this body.

Cutting your hair short.

Changing from girl to boy.

Feeling a sense of relief.

Belonging.

But then theres fears.

Afraid you wont be accepted.

Afraid you wont fit in.

Afraid to be true to yourself.

But you cant turn back.

That would destroy you.

You can’t face that darkness.

You can’t lie to yourself anymore.

So you find courage,

Courage to be yourself,

To face the world,

As the true you.

But then theres bullies.

Ignorant and foul,

unevolved and nasty.

Taking pleasure in others pain.

You just want acceptance.

You’ve accepted who you are.

So now the world must.

You are who you’re meant to be.

So gender clinics.

Hormone blockers.

A new name.

A new gender.

Yet still there are mountains to climb.

Obstacles to face.

Minds to change,

And challenges to overcome.

At least you feel right.

After being born in the wrong body,

You had thought there was no hope.

For you, change was the only way.

By Katie Haigh

©️KATIEHAIGH

Photo by Susan Haigh

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